Sunday, 29 March 2015

World Of War

The wars never really end.

The blood keeps on pooling until
Eventually man can claim they too
Made oceans
Like God. Red and wide,
For all to see their
Splendour.
Everything about us was
Made for battle. Our lungs
Fighting to keep us breathing, even
When we do our best to suffocate.
Our legs, to keep us standing tall against
The winds that shake our core.
We've all been on a quest for truth.
On the journey to these elusive answers,
Hiding in plain sight, we have lost so much.
Murdering even the parts of ourselves we took
So long to love.
We're always fighting for justice
And justice always fights back. Slipping from our grasp,
Like a fish out of water,  fighting for life,
Smothering in the presence of
The very thing that keeps us alive.
In the end,
When the dust settles, morning comes,
And corpse after corpse have been tallied
We all will have lost.

But the wars never end.


Do they?

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Winter (The months I let you stay)

It is summer in your arms. You hold me and I become a tornado of cold air, dizzy at the thought of you, chasing after a reason to let you stay. It is summer in your eyes. I become a child on the beach, fingers webbed with juice from a pomegranate, face sticky with sweet promises. I look at you and I lose all courage to walk away.

                                                            ***
A few days later we sit on a bench in a place unfamiliar with your hand folded into mine. The eyes, the smiles, the bodies, the twist in tongues, the people in the shops, the sun on skin, the breeze against face. I begin to speak of love and almost immediately I retrace my steps to a few weeks before asking myself under my breath, what brought you here? What made you want to stay?

                                                           ***

Around you I become unforgiving to self. Eyes not beautiful enough, hair not smooth enough, skin also not enough to keep you from wanting anyone that dipped their hands in to the same bowl I took my insecurities out of. It is winter in your eyes, your hair, that skin, those lips. Anything that's ever brushed up against me turns to ash. A phoenix of apologies that will never be enough. I retrace our steps to that day we spent in love in a strange town to ask you, what made you want to stay? You laugh, why would anyone ever want to leave?

Saturday, 6 December 2014

Nostalgia (noun)

The nerves rushing down my spine,
down the ladder of uncertainty.
I sat across from you,
hands on the table,
my hands in your eyes,
my reflection
growing against the corners of
your smile.

You talk for a while,
              long enough,
              I steady my voice
              choking on words,
learning to speak -
all over again, while you watch, your
name pressed against the roof of my mouth,
swollen like
a full moon against a black sky.

Friday, 5 December 2014

The First Love

He carries with him the possibility of love,
Like an open wound, untouched by time.
He keeps in the silences of his chest, the
Desperation hidden in the reaching of
His body, the longing, the yearning
For the warmth of hers.
Even in the way her eyes shut
When she breaths, he can hear her
Whisper ‘Get closer to me.’
Like he's the only one around.
He'd have loved to call her beautiful,
But he doesn't have the heart.
Instead,
He wondered how a kid like him could be
Good enough for a woman like her.
As he drew the cool air to fill his lungs,
Before he had to tell her it's time for
Him to leave, he mouthed
"I love this" to no one in particular,
He remembers his favourite acoustic cover
Playing in the background, shoulders
Brushing against each other, hearts racing
As the bonfire grew into
Flames of unattainable desires. 
He remembers calling himself a coward
Before he scraped together the courage to put
His lips against the slickness of hers.
He wraps his little finger around her
When he says,
'No one feels quite the way you do'.
She loses her breath a little.
She had forgotten that people can
Think beautiful things of her.

Thursday, 4 December 2014

Ancestry.

I come from blood thickened with hurt,
adamant with anger,
resilient frustration,
unsettling shame and
never resting defiance,
heirlooms passed through the generation,
like a crown of thorns.

Also a line of esoteric beauty,
a fountain of youthful grace.

Ancestry that pulsates across borders, 
  roaming free from its veins,
  at last let loose from history's chains,
      I begin to unravel as I dig with
        my bare hands,
          lustful for answers,
            greedy for a hope I was not sure
              existed.


THE WAY YOU SCARE ME.


I waited around for you to love me
Or at least say it loud enough for
Everyone around me to hear that I wasn't
Just making up stories of us in my head
You dusted the corners of my mind,
Taught my mouth to forget to speak
You scare me
I wish you were simpler
Not so difficult to understand
But you ran circles around me
Made my head spin only so you could catch me
Sometimes I speak and you don't understand
Then you turn around, looking at me
Touching me with your eyes
Surprising in how well you get me
And in my head I would run after you,
But you are too familiar with the chase,
You could run away from it if you wanted
So I often wonder why you stick around
Because the only thing special about me
Is the way my name rolls off of your tongue
Tasting funny in your mouth, yet
Finding a home in the parts of your mind
That I have yet to discover.
The world will never see you, my dear.

But you are something more than beautiful.

The unspoken apologies (to my first love)

For every lie I have ever told,
Everything I did after I had told you I would stop.
Every love that I had kept, when I said
I only have room for yours in my heart.
For every hurt I couldn't heal,
Every wound I inflicted and all the things
I couldn't bring myself to say.
Every night I didn't say "I'm sorry" for
The wrong I had done in your dreams.

All those times
I did not fight myself to not walk away,
Stained your cheeks with regret,
Told myself that 'I could never love you.’
For not knowing how to be deserving of you.
Every awful thing I've ever said to you,
About you,
Because of you,

Forgive me. My heart didn't know what else to do with a love like yours.